Random Things I’ve Learned Along The Way: Part Two

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When a toddler tells you no, it means no. When you tell a toddler no, it means challenge accepted.

Bribery, used wisely, is an acceptable tactic in parenting.

Running around the house naked is okay for a toddler. However, for an adult, it’s frowned upon.

I’m not quite sure why baby poop hasn’t been investigated as a form of biological warfare.

There’s gotta be a way to harvest the energy emitted by a child. I think my kid would power New York City for a week by himself.

Speaking of energy, now I understand why our parents needed to take a break so often. I bend over to tie my shoes and I need a nap.

If they’re fussy eaters, just leave it in front of them. They will eventually eat it. Or throw it in a fit of rage.

Pillow forts are just as cool today as they were 20 years ago.

After giving Mason a bath, I sometimes find that I’m toweling myself off more than him.

Cat treats are for cats only. Or so I thought.

When your child wants to express their displeasure with you, you will know it. So will everyone within a ten mile radius.

When you offer to share your food with your child, they will refuse until it’s all gone, at which point it becomes your fault that they didn’t get any.

Another use for duct tape: Keeping your kid’s plate food-side-up.

Clipping a toddler’s fingernails and toenails should qualify as minor surgery.

Thank God for the DVR. I don’t even need to explain.

Puke – it was easy when it was just formula. Now? Can’t do it. Nope. Not happening.

Remember those rules and the “we’re DEFINITELY not doing that!s” that you put in place before having a child? Yeah, about that…

Mason produces more gas on a daily basis than the Marcellus shale has over the course of a million years.

I think it’s time for us to get Mason a helmet. No, not for a bike. For walking around the house.

The vacuum is apparently a fascinating thing. Mason loves it. I don’t get it. He cries when we’re done. I cry when I have to start.

Until next time….

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